day 92

The last day of 2007.. and I'm not sad to see it go. I'll probably be doing a recap on every fucking blog I write in.. so i'll keep this short and sweet:

broke up with brian, moved in with mom, met some boys, fell for one, no work, had lots of fun, friends lives sucked, boy disappeared, too much work, too much school, end the year alone.

Goodbye 2007.... hope your friend 2008 is nice to me... though I don't really think anyone reads this.. there is that chance that people I know do. That being said... I'll just leave it at: I'm sick of thinking.. I'm sick of the games... I'm sick of being unsure...

day 91

I don't feel like doing a fucking thing today! I'm sore from falling down the stairs yesterday and I'm just flat out lazy! Anthony may come by today.. at that point I'll get up. Until then... it's all picture taking and tv watching for me!

day 90

Met Greg today. We tried to take some pictures, but the weather was shittastic. We went to walmart and bought me some lights so I can try to take some good pics every once in a while. And..... WE HAD SUSHI!!! <3 it was so good. I want to eat sushi every single day.

That's all I really have to say for today. I suppose I'll just go wait for Anthony...

day 89...

We're closing in on the end of the year. I am both exactly where I thought I would be.. and nowhere where I thought I would be.

Mom kept asking me last night about "him." I don't think anyone believes that I'm really fine with it. Sure, I wasn't.. but I am now. I mean, I spent 6 months driving myself crazy over what was going on.. then I spent a week driving myself crazy about what wasn't going on.. and then I realized "Hey.... I could always just NOT drive myself crazy" So that's what I did :)

I love this picture. I don't often talk about my pictures in this.. but I love this. I love the voyeuristic quality about it as well as how contradictory it is (I'm baring it all, yet I'm still hiding).... kinda like my life...

day 88

As soon as I started the 30 secrets in 30 days project, I knew this was going to be one... it always is.

I realized yesterday that as of this month, it has been 4 years since I cut myself. Next Tuesday will be 4 years since I left South Florida... and the 17th will be 4 years since I moved to Rhode Island.

Things were so bad before I left. I never would have survived. It's a very surreal feeling knowing how close you were to killing yourself... and seeing how different your life can be elsewhere. My brother wants me to move to Atlanta. I may, someday... but right now? Right now I kinda wanna stay here. See what else I can gain by being in the place that contributed to changing my life....

day 87

I've been totally slacking at this! I have things to say, but nothing I want anyone to read.

Ray, Tessa and Christian went home today. I love seeing them but MAN, it'll be nice to finally have a day where i don't have to worry about anything!

sleeping with the window open.

I'm so ready for the weekend!!

Day 86

It's Christmas. The family is here.. they make me happy.

I dunno.. I don't have anything to say. Maybe tomorrow when I have time to reflect...

day 85

i didn't blog today. shhh don't tell anyone..

Day 84

I went to bed sad last night. I was forced to talk about something I didn't want to talk about.

I don't want to talk about it today.

Ray, Tessa, and Christian are coming in today and my car has to be emptied. I still have shit in there from the move.... in May.

I'm just ready for this year to be over.

day 83

You know what's not fun? Looking at pictures on a memory card that you haven't used in months and finding pictures of happier times and happier places. Just when you start to feel secure in the getting over of someone... something just knocks you back down. Stupid life.

Brother and his family coming into town tomorrow. So much to do in the next couple of hours since I'm gonna go out tonight.

I'm not feeling very pro-Megan today. I blame him and his stupid... UGH! never mind.. I don't even wanna talk about it!

Day 82...

I have procrastinated like nobody's business. Looks like I'll be up late tonight cleaning. I should probably work for the next half hour on getting what I can get done done.

Today is one of those days where my pictures are coming out very well.

I'm contemplating doing something naughty....

Day 81

Holy crap! I'm in the 80s??? When the heck did that happen???

I don't really have anything to say.. so I'm not gonna force it.

day 80

I got a B in biology! I got a B in biology! *dances*

Day 79

**ugh. Today's his birthday. I hate remembering that. I hate that I've been thinking about him a lot lately and I finally didn't remember all day... and then I saw the date.... and it's his birthday...**

I've decided to start a project. It will be started on January 1 and it will be a voyage into self discovery. If it is successful, it will help to me attain a dream. Details not available at the current time.

So, I was looking on craigslist for a couple of minutes.. tempted to try to meet someone/people. but.. every time I try, it's just too much work and too much stress. When I post, I get too many responses and I don't think I'm interested in any first dates right now. Weird, I know. So, I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure I'll just end up hanging out alone a lot for a while... but I think that might be a small price to pay for the lack of stress that not posting/responding will cause.

Meeting people is hard. Friends.. guys.. whatever. I wish I could take the internet friends I have that are all over the place and just put everyone together so I could have people to spend time with.

Not to mention... I'm lonely. I miss kissing. I love kissing. I miss being younger when I could go around kissing all of my friends or whatever. Now I'm all old and responsible... stupid stupidness.

Alright.. enough of this pity party.... I'm really not in this pathetic of a mood. I just kinda thought about it for as long as you took to read it :)

day 78

I couldn't decide between the two pictures...

Either way.. i have some stuff to do and nothing I care to say.

except... I've been working on my pictures and am really proud of some of the things i have done lately....

Day 77

Today's FGR was kissing. I haven't had anyone to kiss for a while. I took this picture as a way to pay homage to another picture of someone kissing bender... but... I dunno.. it's weird. He was supposed to be a Christmas gift to someone... someone I'm not kissing. So, yeah... I dunno.. just seems kinda weird and ironic or not ironic or something.

I'm snowed in and parked at the brooks plaza. I don't plan on moving that until tomorrow....

day 76

As described in the picture, this is dedicated to many people/things.

Today, on here I will focus on the Hims. One: This is dedicated to "He who shall not be named". I have removed him from my vocabulary. And.. the way I'm feeling right now... He can certainly go fuck himself.

This is also dedicated to Hawaii. Oh that fuckity fuck fucktard. He's been creeping into my thoughts (as he usually does around Christmas time) and I want it to stop. He is not allowed to be spoken of unless I bring him up.. this is something I am use to tell everyone who knows about him. He blogged today. I read it. In one aspect, it reminded me why I fell. In another.. it reminded me why we were not compatible.

I'm fucking starving. What should I have for lunch?

Day 75...

I've been displeased by most of my pictures this week. even the heart i did yesterday I was kinda "eh" about... and that made explore.

And now for documentation......
It snowed. We got about a foot (could have been more... could have been less.. I dunno.. I don't follow it that closely!). It took me almost 2 hours to get home yesterday. It took me an hour to get to work. 2 hours to get home (most of which was within the city).. THEN! I fucking got my car towed. That wouldn't have been so bad (I knew it was a possibility), but it took me 4 hours to finally find out who towed the car.

I've had a headache for 3 days.

I'm not in the best of moods this evening. I actually wanna go to work so I can forget about all of my crap for 5 hours.

Day 74

My framing is all wonky..

This is all I want for Christmas.

It's the first big snow storm of the season. I wish I a) didn't have to work tonight b) had a place to park and c) had someone to cuddly by a fire with and drink some hot cocoa

day 73

Today's FGR was "smile like you mean it" I haven't had much to smile about lately. School has left me a shell of my former self. Making no money has not helped that. Hopefully next week, I'll have a sincere smile. if i do.. I'll post it.

day 72

so much shit to do, I might just fall over and die.

3 exams tomorrow, one more on thursday, then my final bio exam on Weds of next week. i can't wait until this semester is over...

Day 71

I really have nothing better for today's 365.

I'm in a weird mood today. I have the residuals of the shit that has been bothering me lately, but it sparked creativity and am now writing a story. So, I'm happy about that.. but need to maintain the other feeling. Weird, right? I know.

day 70

I don't really have too much to say here. It's Sunday. Sundays aren't very exciting...

day 69..

What a waste of a great number.

Yes... I cried. I cried like a baby. I cried so badly that I had to run out of the car before my mom could tell I was crying.

I cried so much.. just thinking about my crying is making me cry again.

I don't cry... and because of that, once I do... it's hard for me to stop. And then I get tired.

So, I guess the question is: Why are you crying?

well, I'm sure part of it has to do with the PMS... it's what I'll blame it on anyway. But in actuality, it has to do with a certain boy and a certain girl (pssst.... I'm the certain girl). And that..... that makes me feel stupid.

Fuck... now my mascara is running....

Day 68

Wow... I remember when I first started this and I would see people on day sixty something... I was so impressed! Now I'm almost up to 70 and I'm still as into it as I was at the beginning.. if not more so.

This pictures was taken for the theme "Movie Quotes" but I can bring this into my life for now. I'm the poorest I've been since I moved to RI. Sad, huh? *I* think so. It makes me sad that the one year my brother and his family will be up here for christmas, I won't be able to spoil everyone. I hope they come back next year. Speaking of.. I should probably go buy the few gifts I can afford...

Day 67

I'm a walking zombie today.... I went to bed at 12 last night and slept well... or so I thought. I overslept. Instead of waking up at 6:15.. I woke up at 7:15... bolted up and ran out of the house. I feel like I only got 2 hours of sleep.. but I got 7.. which is more than usual... which is very sad.

I was going to nap.. I'm running out of minutes.

I have lots to say.. but no time to say it... to courage to say it......

day 66

I'm in a pretty good mood today. School went fairly well.. home went extremely well... and soon I get to go to work and see how well I have done this week. good times.

I have lots to do, but I think I'll putz around for a bit before work and worry about the stuff I have to do/read later.

day 65

So far so good... 2 pictures that I really like! woo hoo!

School is almost done.. and when it is, I am going to celebrate by getting FUCKING DRUNK! Well... maybe kinda drunk.

2 weeks!

day 64

I don't wear a lot of make up. I don't know why I felt like sharing that. When I am wearing make up.. it's usually just mascara.

I'm trying so hard to be patient. No... scratch that... I am patient. I just don't feel appreciated. I feel used. I feel potentially used. Why do I let myself feel this way?

Tomorrow, I'm heading to school at 6:30am to write my term paper and attend class at 11 and take a test. Then, when I get home, I need to work on my bio presentation... then work. Then.. if all goes well... when I get home... I will just sleep.

If all goes well.

Day 63

I didn't like this picture today. I wanted a hat and a tie.. but I had no time to come up with an alternative.

I don't even have much time to come up with a blog for today.

I am emotionally torn and freaked out... but I'll get into that at some other time...

Like, totally day 62!

Today's roulette was "Ima dork"... and BOY oh boy did I run with it!

fuck, I'm cold.

Day 61...

I love love love the holidays! :)

Day 60...

I'm fucking beat! This is not going to be a fun weekend. Not at all. Not even a little bit. I'm dying to see him.. but I have so much freaking work to do that if I don't.. I won't mind. I have to read my story, then write my term paper (nope haven't started). I have to read the rest of the Tempest. Reread the short stories from this week so I can take a test. Read 2 chapters in Bio, do the test and do the presentation on MRSA. *If* there is any time left over, I need to do my laundry and clean. Fuck. I need to do my laundry no matter what.

Mom will be out of town. I think I'll just curl up with some yummy tea and hide away. No real contact and just whither away until the end of the semester.

2 FUCKING WEEKS LEFT!!!!!!!

day 59

Wow... I'm a little out of ideas... I have an idea for a theme week that I'll be mapping out and hopefully executing well. Hopefully.

I am so busy with school and work and what not that taking these pictures is super hard. I like this picture a lot.. but had no commentary to add to it.. which kinda makes me sad...

Day 58

Futurama is back and Megan is a happy happy person :)

I'm so friggin' tired. 3 weeks left of school.

Day 57

It's all just a waiting game now. I'm waiting for the semester to end. I'm waiting for training to end at work so I can pick up more hours. I'm waiting for Christmas to come and go and hoping no one buys me anything. I'm waiting for him to start a conversation I want to have that he'll never start. I'm waiting for myself to cheer up. I'm waiting for my insurance to kick in so I can start taking care of me. I'm waiting for everything to magically fix itself....

day 56....

I hate Sunday pictures. There is one I really want to get, but that involves Jon.. and I feel weird about asking him to do it. Why? 'cause I'm insane.

I saw him last night. I *shouldn't* have... but I did. I couldn't help it. i was horny... and awake.. and my internet exploded.

I wanted to talk to him about something this weekend.. but being that I only saw him for a couple of hours, I did not. I probably never will.

I don't want to feel used.. but I have to admit, it's kinda hard. I never really know where he's coming from and it sucks. I can't ask 'cause I'm afraid of the answer.

Anthony is on his way over. I hope he wants to go somewhere instead of just playing on the computer all day.

Day 55

It's Saturday. Jon has some big project he's working on, so I didn't go there last night. Just as well. I hope I get to see him today.. but eh.. I have stuff to do. i think I'm just craving interaction. I haven't seen anyone since Weds and even then, it was Anthony, so we were just sitting on the computer on opposite sides of the room. Story of my life.

Day 54

mmm I'm kinda relaxed! I have to get up and do dishes.. but never in my life have I felt more relaxed after Thanksgiving.

As soon as I post this, I have to get up and start my day..

Something happened this week which has kinda brought me to my boiling point. I'll probably write about it Sunday or Monday...

Day 53- Happy Thanksgiving..

A very fitting picture for how I've been feeling lately....

It's Thanksgiving and I'm all alone. I though i'd be bothered by it... surprisingly, I'm not.

I'm just waiting for a "Happy Thanksgiving" from Jon.... I'm not holding my breath...

Day 52

Money is stupid... especially when you don't have any..

It's looking like I will not be attending school next semester as my account is on hold and I cannot afford to bring it back to life.

Day 51- FIRST SNOW

It's the first snow of the year. God, I love this :D

I've been doing this for 50 days now...

people are "lol"ing at my picture! I don't know that i was going for a "lol"able picture.. but whatever.

I'm not in a sad mood or anything.. I'm in a great mood... 'cause I had a great weekend.

Of course... now I have a headache...

day 49......

My Sunday pictures are never any good. so, I figured I'd save myself the hassle of worrying about it and just snap a photobooth pic.

I'm riding on the high of an amazing weekend. A weekend full of a lot of little (seeminly) nothings... but boy oh boy.. was it something..

Day 48

Stupid period.

Saw Bright Eyes... pretty good :)


had a good day.. i'll be writing about it in my other journal :)

day 47

it's friday. i'm thankful for this!

Day 46

Not much to say. It's Thursday!! That makes me a happy Megan. I took a bio test today that I either did surprisingly well on.. or surprisingly terrible on. BUT! Tonight.. and tomorrow for work.... then WEEKEND. And what does next week bring me???????

Monday- school for 2 hours.. then work. Tuesday- Just work. Weds- just school for 2 hours. Thurs- OFF!!!!! Fri- just work.

:) :) :)

So happy for so many reasons. 2 weeks that I don't have to worry about a bio presentation!!! Yippee!!!

Day 45

I love hurley

44 days in....

Naked.

I'm naked.

I decided to go naked for my 365 for today. Why? I dunno. I've been having some real, raw, and honest thoughts over the past couple of days. It's scary...

Also.. thinking [again] about going on the pill....